the lesser of two evils that stole all of my pizzaz

what makes me tick and write is the fear of my past (what happened to me, directly influenced by those lands I lived in), and the fear of my future (what will happen to me, the same or worse if I do not voice about it). sense of loss keeps perpetuating, i wanna have good moments with my life but it seems impossible due to american actions in the past. i remember having some dignity in united states which i do not have or i am not allowed to have in serbia. hereby, i feel treated as a renegade rogue dog who is standing his last stand. at least, this is what i believe the locals think of me.  

Forget Inquisition. This is 21^st century Serbia - the only Christian state in the world where someone has been publicly lynched, spiritually impaled and crucified on the pole of shame!!!!! Look Spain now; freedom, democracy to look up to. Ask Serbians what they want from me, why are they organizing public harassment and inciting various people into hatred? Start with those who did it openly as I have named a few. Do an undercover investigation and see where it leads to…..and then smoke them out 
i do not think that i am dangerous for anyone, despite my writing which
is reflective not of my moods but of the environment i cohabit.
people can look up to me even though i do not consider myself to be a role model, but
the just and sincere, honest man. i have not hurt anyone, but have been the target for many.
my life is the reflection of the reality of today's mankind. it gives me the goosebumps.  

in this short time i’ve been riding around this country i witnessed an unspeakable cruelty, impatience and arrogance on the road. not only that many serbs do not know how to drive, but they lack driving culture and are highly dangerous, evil and jealous above all. the prime example of this attitude are reflected by those who most likely work for the (secret?) police and are driving muscle cars, i.e. latest black benzes and jeeps that can not be bought with serbian daily wages. some of them whose arrogance i had experienced live on vojvode stepe street in newly built luxurious apartments. even if they are allegedly protecting the law, in reality they are protecting only their own ass and are truly dangerous, arrogant and evil. new wyatt earp needs to be born again to deal with this should i say scum. they are pushing the rest of the serbian flock onto me which is anything but the correct and benign. if i did not live in america i would think there an’t any other way but serbian, i would not know the truth and i would have been the same jerk off. that’s why the freemasons are important as the relayers of light. nobody else does it but me as far  as the truth, at least not that i know of. otherwise, i wouldn't be in this unspeakably dangerous mess. another story is that america betrayed me showing its second face too. it’s most definitely the lesser evil at least for the time being.

last minute update 20th of march 2014: 

It is not in my interest to destroy this country; the situation then could only get worse for me to be surrounded by more and more anarchy and hatred. On that aspect I am a real patriot!

however, I have been forced to face the reality whereby I cannot even walk freely in downtown belgrade!

it is like making and maneuvering your way through the walls and walls of human hatred.

all these mean looks and invasive beings, they are not only destroying my privacy but the peace of mind too.

i witnessed the situation today whereby a twelve to fifteen year old was trying to unleash himself from his father’s grip and attack me in the heart of Belgrade in front of his parents. his father was holding him back, squeezing his arm saying to him: i am telling you he is crazy, crazy, just let it go, he is crazy, crazy.

I was dumbfounded, on one hand, finally this attack would've made my situation much clearer, whereby I don’t think serbs would make a big deal out of it, newspapers would not follow it out. on the other, I am thinking who’s behind all this, behind everything, and what benefits do they get out from this situation? 

last minute update April 1st 2014:  public transportation drivers in belgrade (serbia) and taxi drivers coming in too close for comfort do not keep distance esp. on steep inclines, i believe on purpose among other perfidious things, what to do? as their vehicles are more powerful and they are like less than a feet away behind me?!!!