sea of hurt

when i saw this poor kid i immediately connected his image with my serbian existence realizing how pain and disappointment can propel you to certain emotional states. the only difference is, i am not crying over a football game. while some serbs openly compare my serbian existence to the loss of brasilian team and future life of the brasilian players in brasil saying may God have mercy upon them, many of those that are not attacking me in serbia are watching my every move trying to see for themselves what seems to be real truth / however, they cannot handle the outcome whereby they cannot find secrets they were looking for and i never heard anyone in serbia saying leave this guy alone, all i ever heard was let's go get him?!! serbs, like hypnotized already made their verdicts whereby i feel that any serbian day i could be the goner; or at the very least they just keep on messing my life, producing more hatred, and we are never going to be even because of the harm they are doing to me by judging and punishing me on lies someone told them. thus they are only unjustly persecuting the righteous man and it is a blessing for me but disastrous tribulation for them. it seems God put them on trial for most serbs believe they are just and victimized while in fact they are doing it to me.

since the can of worms is open and i have been wrongfully exposed to the fullest extent, my position enables me to have a highly dangerous reactive relationship with the rest of humanity while feedback shows how evil and stupid men can be. if there was no higher force i guarantee you that i would not be alive today. that is my experience. believe it or not, we are not alone. if there is no God i would have been eaten alive. i cannot understand why some smart men do not believe in God. meanwhile, this environment has become too toxic for me…that someone calls you the satan (labeling someone satan is almost as sending a demonic green light in an unorthodox manner and sponsoring a criminal act: go get this guy, get this satan, kill him; and i witnessed this being said to me by even the spanish tourists in belgrade which implicates either cia or catholic church involvement; thus i believe my problem is broader than serbia) while showing the signs of utter dislike and serving your meal at the same time (pretending to be nice at the moment of serving but entirely opposite as soon as turned back on the table, making noises, talking shit etc which makes these cooks and waiters eligible to slip something in and mishandle food), i am totally sickened by the experience. but won’t name the city, place, anything due to the respect toward the people i was with that really wanted to make me feel comfortable, but alas. would only mention a bad case of heartburn (poisoning?) and herpex simplex. is this all because the traitors are held high in serbia? but would the traitor bet half of a standard serbian salary on novak djokovic if he was truly “the” traitor”?

why would i expose myself thereby to three potential heart attacks while watching Novak’s prenatal cramps on the court? would an un-Serb vouch for Djokovic? in the end, i felt sorry for Roger, he cried too. hater i am not. let's face it i am not a serb hater = they hate me. a posteriori, there is no difference in the amount of torture that americans and serbs can do to one human being. these two countries remind me of each other a lot like siblings; i am talking - figuratively, of whoever is in charge of torture management there. it seems as if motherfuckers cannot forgive those 2 tons of cocaine i smuggled earlier and eight individuals i offed. they truly wanna off me back now even though i am on my ultimate watch, still taking serbian punches from those calling me satan and messing up my meal orders and those ordering them to destroy me in any way possible and it is truly happening. this amount of hatred is simply unbelievable!

update on july 13th: i went to get my last shot for nerve arm pain and felt that nurse i saw for the first time there (krivolacka str. health center) was behaving very awkward and weird while giving it to me and afterwards. then i thought if she was one of those that dislike me in general or if she was related to any of the hardcore serbian haters, could had she criminally transmitted some disease to me as i was not able to see what she was actually doing (was the needle new and unused for example). in serbia they can get away with murder easily.
i came to conclusion that i would not worry this much
even if i was treated by traditional serbian
adversaries in any of their countries, such as croatia.
i believe i would have felt much safer and more human there.
in serbia sometimes (or often times) i feel as if dealing with vile demons whose only goal is to eliminate me.
couple of days ago, on july 1st, as i was driving down vitanovacka street by the group of ditch digging workers one of them spat into my window. then i realized it was very intentional as the next day some guy from this group came before my vehicle and started taunting me to the point i felt forced to take a photograph, he cannot be seen in it as he hid to the left ready to punch me while i remained seated in the vehicle.