SHAKEN, NOT STIRRED BY MARIJA

                         probably the thing i will regret most :
  i have not become the 33rd degree free-mason

                      to in truth help out the humanity .
only just the opposite, i have become a hooligan target, a guy that frequently looks behind his shoulder and someone
that cannot spark the interest not even in mary (marija), a half-decent looking supermarket cashier. it's worse than death.

Passenger - Let Her Go

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UPDATE ON JUNE 21ST 2013:

WITH THE HUGE AMOUNT OF LOVE I CARRY FOR EVERYONE HOPE GOD WILL LOOK AT ME AT LEAST ONCE...
ALONG THE LINES OF THAT I AM ASKING: IS THERE A GIRL FOR ME...? 

JUST AS I FANTASIZED AMERICANS WERE FRIENDS /AND MISTAKENLY TOOK IT FOR GRANTED LATER/ I WAS DEAD WRONG LEADING MYSELF TO BELIEVE MARIJA WAS ANY BETTER. OH LORD, THIS WAS MY BIG MISTAKE. I WAS DEAD WRONG, DEAD WRONG, DEAD WRONG, DEAD WRONG, DEAD WRONG, DEAD WRONG, DEAD WRONG AGAIN. HOPE YOU CAN HEAR ME. 

MARIJA = UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. 

TODAY AROUND 13HRS SHE WAS GETTING FRESH WITH THE ICE CREAM DELIVERY GUY IN FRONT OF MY EYES JUST TO PISS ME OFF (OR IF NOT, THAN SHE IS FLIRTY LIKE THAT, JUST NOT WITH ME; A GUY LOOKED LIKE HE HAD NOT READ BUT ONE BOOK IN HIS ENTIRE LIFETIME) - IT'D BEEN A BETTER THING IF I'D HIT MYSELF SEVERAL TIMES IN THE HEAD WITH SLEDGEHAMMER THAN GOING TO THE STORE TODAY ON 107 DEGREES. I WAS LOOKING AND WEEPING! MADE BELGRADE RAINING ON A SUNNY DAY.

MY LIFE EXPERIENCE IS FILLED WITH DEAD WRONG CHOICES, CONCLUSIONS AND ACTIONS. I MOSTLY DID THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I SHOULD HAVE DONE. 

LIKE A CUDDLY GOOD BEAR I FRIENDED MANY BEFORE COMING TO TERMS WITH REALITY AS I HAD TO UNFRIEND THEM IN MIND AS WELL. IT'S THE WAY WORLD GOES AND I CAN DO NUTHIN''BOUT IT.

WARNING <> THE FOLLOWING SENTENCE IS THE PURE "RANT"  - WITH IT I DO NOT WANT TO IMPLY ANYTHING BUT APPROVE ONE OF VOLTAIRE'S BELIEFS ON FREEDOMS, HUMAN RIGHTS & OPPORTUNITES: I  BELIEVE GANDOLFINI'S UNEXPECTED DEATH IS THE PUNISHMENT EVEN ON ME AND A GREAT LOSS - I COULD ONLY FANTASIZE ABOUT WHAT WOULD IT BE LIKE IF WE WERE ALLOWED AN OPPORTUNITY TO MEET AND CORRELATE IN THIS LIFE (OF COURSE IN AMERICA), SEEMED LIKE THE BEST FRIEND TEN YEARS OLDER THAN ME, LIKE ONE OF THE FAMILY. IT FEELS AS IF A WARNING, NOT TO ME AND NOT SO FAST. INASMUCH AS  EVEN ONE QUALITY PERSON IS VALUABLE ADDITION TO THE COLLECTIVE PRAYER AND GENERAL WELL-BEING OF ALL INDIVIDUALS IN ONE COUNTRY WHEREBY THINGS COME TO BETTER, ONCE A SMALL BUT IMPORTANT KNOB IS MISSING THE MACHINE STARTS CLUNKING AND LOSING OTHER KNOBS, NUTS AND BOLTS IN THE PROCESS. FINGERS CROSSED I AN'T TRUE, I AM JUST AFRAID I AM . <> THE RANT STOPS HERE FOR I THINK I AN'T TOO IMPORTANT FOR ANY COUNTRY SINCE I HAVE BEEN COMPROMISED FINALLY, SHAKEN, NOT STIRRED BY MARIJA.  IF SHE KNEW ABOUT THE PLACES AND TIMES I WAS AT, SHE WOULD NOT HAVE HAD ANY DOUBTS EVER. WHAT A GREAT EXPERIENCE BUT SERVES NO PURPOSE. I GOTTA KEEP MY FAITH AT ANY RATE.

LIKE I SAID VARIOUS VULTURES (CLANDESTINE LOSERS) ARE PICKING UP ON MY FREE INFORMATION AND MARIJA DID NOT DESERVE ANY BETTER, SHE WILL MOST LIKELY BE EATEN ALIVE BY THESE SERBIAN VULTURES AND THEIR VENOM WITH AT LEAST ONE ILLEGITIMATE CHILD IN THE PROCESS. DON'T TELL ME I AM JUST JEALOUS I HAVE BEEN A JUST FOR REAL. WHAT COMES AROUND GOES AROUND.

TODAY ON JUNE 19^TH 2013, I SAW MARIJA IN THE STORE AND FINALLY COLLECTED ENOUGH COURAGE TO APPROACH AND ASK IF SHE WOULD BE WILLING TO TAKE MY VISITING CARD? WHAT A LOUSY TRY, BUT IT STILL WAS A TRY! SHE PROMPTLY SAID NO IN HIGH DISGUST!   

IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO NOW THAT A FALSE HOPE TOOK OUT SEVERAL MONTHS OF MY LIFE FOR NOTHING. AGAIN AND AGAIN, I HAD FOUND MYSELF IN THE ROLE OF THE FARM BOY WHO PREPARES MARES AND STALLIONS FOR BREEDING AS I DROVE ALL THE ATTENTION TO MARIJA WHILE SHE MOST LIKELY GOT PROPOSED NUMEROUS TIMES WHICH EXPLAINS THE NEW HAIR STYLE. IN MY MIND I IMAGINED SHE'S A VIRGIN. AS THEY SAY A NEW HAIR STYLE MEANS A NEW BOYFRIEND. IN THE SAME FASHION, ANOTHER GIRL BORE A BABY SEVERAL YEARS AGO AS SHE FOUND A LOVE WHILE FILLING IN THE RACKS IN THE SAME STORE. TO MY DISMAY BY SHOWING A PLAIN INTEREST I GAVE A RISE TO HER COOL IMAGE BUT SHE DOES NOT HAVE TO THANK ME FOR ANYTHING AS I THINK HER LIFE SUCKS, AT LEAST I DO NOT LIKE WHAT I SEE IN HER FACE NOW.

MAN, I AM TIRED OF EVERYTHING.

I WAS HOPING I WOULD FIND SOMEBODY LIKE MARIJA AND HAIL OFF TO THE GREEK ISLANDS TO CHARGE MY BATTERIES. NO, I DIDN'T. 

NOW I HAVE TO GET BACK TO SERBIAN BLOODY BOONDOCKS AND FIGHT MORE BATTLES TO STAY PLAIN SANE.

SPEAKING THROUGH THE QUAKER EXPERIENCE I GOTTA CONDEMN THE BROTHERS HERE. IF FAMILY AND FAMILY VALUES ARE AN IMPORTANT PART OF HUMAN LIFE, WHY IN THE WORLD AND HOW COULD IT HAPPENED TO ME WHEN I HAD EVERYTHING GOING ON? A PROSPECTIVE GIRLFRIEND AND A PROSPECTIVE FAMILY. ISN'T THAT A MORTAL SIN? DID I TRULY DESERVE THE ULTIMATE PENALTY - DESTRUCTION OF PROSPECTIVE FAMILY AND THE EXILE?