it's all lies

didn't score. been living like a warrior monk.

born in enemy country

every day spent here has been a highly expensive lesson.
three major American actors that were the greatest influence for local serbian violence, insane arrogance, delusive charm and general mindset were de niro, joe pesci, and al pacino. if unfavored, you know you did good when you bailed out of serbian company if you were being exposed to their moshuhs only; moshuh is when they make a quick mock arm movement as if they are going to hit you hard only to follow-through with slow motion whereby they are fixing up their hair or something. after that you can only fall into argument that almost always ends up with physical aggression or let it go and count your blessings. but for sure, Serbia has become a highly toxic soulless environment that steadily crumbles down your spirits. even with efforts you cannot escape this habitat - i tried once, but it super-glued itself onto me. now it feels as if the race is going on who is going to be a bigger bigot and the next up holy warrior-slash-watchdog-slash-hero-in line to traumatize me more, senselessly. the media esp. the talk-radio format show hosts are active in warming up this lynch-mobbing gear-train and jihad waging atmosphere by influencing the negative herd mentality in mindless hoi polloi as well as dominant bigotry and harassment trends (by airing alluding content.) if you were stunned and discriminated by massive amounts of hatred and intolerance in order not to auto-destruct you must develop self defense systems, narcissistic personality disorder being one of them. there were people like hitler as well as unpopular croatian and albanian presidents that many serbs do not hate as much as they hate me. as far as the intensity of hatred i am right up there with the likes of hillary clinton. it is about the only name i can think of that gets the same measure. as a comparison, in the past there were people and things that didn't meet my expectations; 
for example
i am not mad at one British Commonwealth country for not yielding me citizenship.
so what is the huge problem with all those folks involved?

april, 25^th, evening. banjica, serbia. rarely nice springtime weather in belgrade but I felt so uneasy slipping into a slow moving gas station checkout line at this early part of night. sometimes with full moon I notice strange behaviors in people that could trigger my paranoia and turn any place into a highly toxic kind of environment. full moon or not, idk if it was in place tonight, but if I would make a comparison, I would be more at ease in 3 x 3 -square hole filled with deadly rattlesnakes...anytime...than at close perimeter of 10 (unknown to me) serbs for the same amount of time. I imagine snakes would try to get away from me into one corner. as far as my countrymen are concerned, it appears as if they are closing in, big, scary and in your face because they sense insecurity and fear*. some serbs have most definitely formed a scheme out of harassing me and hostile vibrations are the only ones resonating around and about, throughout the air (the truth is - they all know me – entire serbia is like one big village). the enemies are trying to take advantage of your fear and insecurity and feed their unusually hungry egos much. what motivates them, they know, no matter what they do, they are getting off the hook cos 'the prey item' and 'the village idiot' have been written all over my forehead; as empowered by the invisible deep state that has been running down this post-communist land and its collective conscience. it appears that only a few here are able to think and judge on their own. without a presence of power in politics and defective genetic makeup I cannot explain the persistence and hatred amounts in this cold-blooded torment / home ground. to break it down further, no matter what i do is destined to fail, my achievements in art (especially) get simply shunned away from the crowd obliterated by the permanent public outcry and denigrating. as a comparison, with strong government backing and powerful family connections, people that are total posers, wheeler dealers and zeroes get away with anything and are strongly supported by the serbian community, press and the media.

sometimes in serbia, my problem is matter of trust. they do not have to trust me; I do not trust them. I was forced to come here, forced to live here. I had tried to escape from this harsh, acerbic and unforgiving serbian paradise and that is why they, most likely, are putting forward their little revenge. trying to get to me.   

 *a word to the wise: noticed that people that are into violence, high crime and politics (!) have unusually large or beefed up heads.

follow-up on yesterday’s post: today, april 26^th was one of the worst harassment days in the last 16 years - I have been in serbia since 2003 and it is a terrible experience to discover them faces in public that are incited and set out against you, like killers in d-grade acid trip-meets-mob movie. apparently, my last post hit the nerve but it was not my intention. the worst serbs were instigated to go after me similar to the german SS penal unit "dirlewangers". everyone involved in this persecution should ask themselves: with all this harassment in place how can I forget or ever trust them one bit ? as far as i m concerned, Auf Wiedersehen Szerbie! 

another follow-up on this post: today, april 28^th, me and my English bull-terrier had a walk in the woods and i stopped by in the middle of nowhere to let the bull-terrier eat some grass. while EBT was munching on his grass, my mind's vision was with General Custer in 1876 skedaddling on the prairie plains where it feels much better. suddenly, there showed up a tall character wearing an out of place worn-out jogging outfit and as he passed by i also noticed a pair of dirty asics with orange neon stripes that you could only buy in northern europe (benelux union) or i must assume, based on a posteriori experience, in dubai, as well. those sneakers tricked my mind so i wrongly assumed it must have been a rich student of medicine who was neglecting his studies or a well disguised sportstar. either way i did not care. so as we made a huge circle we hit that path again and came over the same person who was apparently coming back. that guy in his mid 30s must have assumed that we had remained on the same spot for twenty minutes. when we were returning next time we took the same path again only in opposite direction and passed that same spot where bullie was eating grass for the third time. at that spot i then saw an unusual sight of broken saplings and it dawned on me that the guy was, most likely, a plain-clothes officer who was following us around perhaps suspecting that i was placing messages for the foreign intelligence agencies in that area, or else, so he marked the spot by breaking saplings of walnut and another tree i could not identify. the sorry sight was a plain giveaway.