serbian garlic

my life slowly fades away but just today it was not like any other day.

everytime I saw her it felt like she was coming from my past life or something.

this afternoon she was like two yards away on the bus stop near franchet restaurant in belgrade talking on the phone which was awesome – there was a guy between us and I did not have to say nothing, my cowardliness had an excuse. but as she was talking, she was stepping up one moment and hiding herself away the next by stepping back so I could see her quite well when she was not marked by the body of the middle guy. so I could even turn my head away and stop looking at her – I did not want to be rude. so, I was thinking to myself ‘sheets, where is that bloody bus’ and if this situation had happened like two years ago, believe me, I would have hardly survived. but I felt indifferent now. and then as I kept thinking about her presence, I started feeling nervy. well. I started even bothering myself. what now. and the bus came. so as if she knew she entered through the rear door same as me, took a seat next to me. and what could have I done. I waited for this chance for years. since long I saw her passing by several times, but I looked the other way as if she was not concerning me one bit. she was just passing - not sitting by. so I said “are you still playing for the red star?” (red star. a joint in the post communist country – club did not change its name cos of the great influence of the red agenda – nothing to do with me) she smiled, said ‘no – im away now.’ and she said something funny too just I could not hear nothing because of the rumbling of the old bus engine. so she was back talking to someone through the mic and earphone. well, at least she was talking back to me. I felt eager and courageous to ask another question which I did. and then I realized that I ate a lot of garlic that morning. a lot of serbian garlic. nuff said. she could not hear me either so she just promised - that i understood - a gift from her will be waiting for me at some vozdovac coffee shop in several days. I feel jinxed about serbia. there is no way this adventure was going to work for me. I think people that set me on this trip did me a great injustice. everything feels wrong, very wrong. sheesh. I got to get out and be fucking awesome again. cos she is fucking awesome too apparently not for me in this lifetime. I fucking love you God, please be good and set me free from serbia. again.