watershed

all this month i've been thinking about mary. she unites what is catholic, orthodox, masonic, protestant, serbian, jewish, armenian, vlachian, american, teslian, german, gaelic, polish and russian ... in me. with her in mind i feel as born again.

coming across me today some serbs were in high spirits. first time saw national news anchor sporting three rings on one hand, namely one on the thumb, second on the pointer and third on the middle finger. according to all i know it symbolizes sexual goals, it is my blog and i decently won't go there explaining what it may mean. 
as i walked into the maxi black betty was in high spirits, singing – it all looked unkosherly conspicuous and strange. according to what i experience around here when the locals coming across me are conspicuously high about something it is usually bad news to me. 
namely, 99% it can mean one thing, that marija had a consensual? sex with somebody recently. 
ouch! that may hurt me a bit. my bad i am writing and somebody picketh the fruits. my bad i am notorious to myself for never coming to senses in timely fashion and what's worst -- whenever they realized i was their light -- they were coming forward too late too. now it is all about envying which i despise. 
however, 1% -- it might mean that she cares for me. ))))))) that would be too good to be true. things like that an’t happening to me, an’t happening in serbia, they are happening in hollywood blockbusters only. hello mary, if that's true get your ass overhere already !!!!!
a greek born american friend of mine who also was a u. s. ranger, had a pizza store on torresdale avenue in philly, told me once, don’t mind if the woman pays no mind, there is a lot of fish that you can catch in the sea. i think that by that he meant we are all going to die one day, sooner or later, and it makes no difference with whom you are going to be, if at all whatsoever. if at all, that is correct. i'd rather be with noone and get all these motherfuckers punished who ripped my family. even though there is a lot of fish out there, there is something that connects me to marija and i don’t even know what it truly is. could be my infatuation or something much higher

it all boils down to that i am attracted to those that do not like you (me). i was looking at mary – today again on 29^th of june 2013 -- and thinking – all the ideas of freemasonry are fine, easy to embrace but hard to maintain in action by the very actors. there were some high degree masons i came across that are too good, i’d wsh and kiis their feet , but again there are others -- greedy and jealous (are they truly higher degrees for real -- in there only to get more women, e.g.) --  that pose an interesting question: why is marija acting like she is toward me. is she fulfilled? would they like to fulfill someone like that by preventing me through spreading nonsense about. in the end, this blog is the nonsense in itself. once i'd be cruising to greek islands with marija next to my side it would have been a bye bye to this blog. okay?! if we are on the same page, my chances for friendship alone with a girl like that (nothing special for the most men) equal to the freezing day in hell. why is not she talking to me – or just clearly looking at me and saying something, anything, stupid -- that I will understand? to me, she is actually acting like i have not been playing with a full deck. i've been the way that occasionally i even threw out a smile. haven't done too much myself -- relied on marija to read my mind. so there i am, between mary on one side and my ruined family on the other, between the past and the future. there is nothing left from the past and there is no future and all the ideals i want to embrace and hold on to are disappearing when i witness the acts that are supposed to be the acts of my brothers. it is terrifying. not just any serb or american can sit down and write a book, a book of love. when i look at mary all I can clearly see is that she does not recognize my existence, and i’d like to think that i am carrying the light but for whom and how /many/ more. i want recognizance or nothing.  is reorganization just enough?

marija is the key. my bottom line i will never catch myself rubbing shoulders with black betty at anytime. end of story.

JUNE 30TH 2013: WENT TO THE ANTIQUE FAIR IN BELGRADE, HOTEL SLAVIJA, STAYED THERE FOR ABOUT FOUR HOURS NEGOTIATING; MANY PEOPLE; AS I GOT BACK I HAD VISION PROBLEMS, SUSPECT INTENTIONAL LASER DAMAGE /DONE TO ME BY SOMEONE PASSING BY OR SITTING ACROSS/ AS I WAS SITTING /OR WALKING/. THE GYPSY EVEN SAID HI, BUT COULD BE PUTTING SMOKE UP MY ASS; WILL GO CHECK OUT EYES/SIGHT FOR POTENTIAL DAMAGE; GOTTA FIND OUT IF I AM WAY PARANOID OR THE STUFF I SUSPECT IS FOR REAL FOR THE WEIRD EYESIGHT PROBLEMS ARE THERE; SAW MAJA ZEZELJ GOING TO WORK BTW (I AM WRITING THIS WHILE FIGHTING EYE TREMOR/PRESSURE/DISCOMFORT AND WATCHING TV AT THE SAME TIME), A FRIEND SAID SHE LOOKS KIND OF GOOD -- IN MY VIEW MARIJA LOOKS MUCH, MUCH BETTER
 

the passage further in this post is of small importance in comparison to the said above:

PS before anything good happens serbian government should stop attacks on me.
today drunk hooligans saw me in the center city slavija square and they immediately yelled that's him while one tried to kick me, another one threw a beer bottle at me.
either they should cease playing soccer in serbia or move the fucking stadiums
at least 25 kilometers away from the perimeter of the city. they could've maimed me and marija would not see me again, that's 4 sure. i'd also say fight fire with fire
and today too - june 29th 2013 ca. 18:15 Ustanicka str nearby Hotel Serbia as it was raining three young hooligans crossed the street only to stick by me too close for comfort and then one of them started flashing laser pointer. motherfuckers were one meter away from infamy. someone would ask why did not you protest or hit the motherfucker. my reply there are hundreds of them, i'd have to protest and/or fight tens if not hundreds of times on daily basis. to my dismay, only americans have a direct benefit from my whining since finally they can vouch what half-witted unmanageable nation of overly aggressive rascals and idiots serbians are. if i could change anything i would.