hole called serbia

in order

to become

better people

all serbs

must

massacre

their egos. 

it is the way 
to trick the devil 
and remove yourself 
from underneath his claws.
it must be a collective fearless effort.

were my removal from family in the U.S. and its later demise mandatory? they certainly were brutal. what hurts is that I have not seen any government efforts to reverse the damage done whatsoever. so, the events and actions that brought me to Serbia feel and come as punishments. then again, it is hard to believe that someone on that high level of power in the States would break the rule of law (by rigging) and punish me personally under the table cos the initial action if not any of them was not only unconstitutional but illegal; I studied law at the law school (plus my biological father was lawyer) and I could not imagine what was to come. as a result, one American family was broken and many trusts were lost. let alone the assets, but they should add up too. let alone the love lost as well, I remember the wife, my wife who did not have the love handles on her back; I loved her natural non-juiciness. and the other things to a fault. now and here, I doubt that many serbs if you had asked them could tell you what creates drive, if given the engine and the fuel? the compression is the answer. in Serbia, on one side I am compressed by the life and Serbian community on the other. there is no justice for me, ha ha. one unique tendency in many Serbs is to go around your back and ruin your reputation, take over your leads and connections by destroying your bridges, which is a very bad habit. the answer to that - as you are outnumbered 6,000,000 to 1 - is constant killing of your ego, day by day. every day you wake up like a warrior monk with a simple need to continue fighting and killing your ego and pride which keep re-emerging from their serbian depths like a hundred headed dragon. in addition, you have to keep falling emotionally in order to climb. and just like everyone else you cannot begin growing and building from the ground up. that’s reserved for another life. basically, you are in the hole called serbia; where if nothing else befalls you'll be provoked by someone making race car sounds on the street. I am talking about myself as the number one target around Europe that is brought up by the hatred heated up in the Balkans, especially. you can enjoy drinking water when you are thirsty and sun basking on a summer windy day even in the hellhole, we all can do, but, there are some small-time-action moments like when you are taking shower or at a lawn-mowing task when some great thoughts occur and drug you, and thus, honest to Goodness, it dawned on me several times that probably the most amazing thing that ever happened in the history of this mankind next to me being harassed on the streets of Belgrade by these hordes of local Indian tribes, was General G.A. Custer leading the charge. man!!! what a glorious moment it was at the Little Big Horn in June of 1876!!

in the end, with some secret knowledge I have been watching some meaning and communication in the current public (dress) color and sign code signaling and I ask myself - what is the purpose of my writing, as if I had been thinking someone in the west will understand and run to help which would mean admittance of guilt for letting me be at peril, while on the other side I am creating a much higher compression force on the part of angry Serbs. Benjamin Fuller once said do not oppose the force, utilize it, no they are not smart enough to understand that. neither am i. while i respect my dignity, it must be that ego and pride are not the only remaining ingredients if we are talking about unjustified idea of one's own greatness. there is more to it. and it touches base with the smarts.