poisoning

couldnt speak to my child (that i have not seen for 9 years) this week cos what i think happened someone has broken in into their home and poisoned their food after what i had written here. rushed into hospital and found a virus but the symptoms to me are just poisoning. there are 450 million americans and if only four do not like what i wrote here it is possible, but the problem is - my ex wife and child - they are unsuspecting living their lives as nothing happened to us (and they should) and the break up of my family remains with me as only my problem. they should not be the victims of unwilling association with me. there's noone in serbia who can vouch for me, not even hm the princess elizabeth of serbia (a former princess of yougoslavia); by no means she would be objective. it is the c.y.o.a. policy, well known throughout the us military. but in america you have power clans, nations, associations, individuals, and relatives of those that may feel (and they do) offended by my writings. italians, jews, italian mafia, gary barbera, ed rendell (philadelphia's jewish major), john street (another african american phialdephia's jewish major), charles m honeyman and members from his powerful synanogue [ready to do anything], and finally the entire davis cup team, so i believe this is what happened. i feel as the legit target and i have no intention of returning to united states so i do not care about what i will say and when dealing with america fairness is out of the equation [postulating ameirca an't fair]. i do not think my writings here will change anything and/or prevent anything from happening - it can only give ideas to sick people - but still my only hope is that God will initiate some order as he always does and anihiliate ONLY those that did it with some extras they deserve. i am not thinking here of those i mentioned if they are at all innocent

any kind of association with me is 40000 - 1000000 times more dangerous than any danger experienced by those in witness protection programs because mafia is the only factor after them. i would trade places with mafia targets anytime. i've got so many factors after me i've even never heard of, myself. they all have the agenda. that's why i do not have so many friends around me cos those that do show around are either without fear [almost heroes], [and/or] protected, very stupid or doubledealing - i am not counting the latter in. unfortunately i cannot say if they all excepting the latter join forces john will feel a little better for i will never feel any better following all this. some good people are passing by and by and i cannot touch them, i do not have that power to come up and say hey, listen, i like you, so and so, would you like to be my friend. getting to know someone has become so uncoventional and inconvenient to the point of entire social inocrrectness for i do not have a company of friends anymore whereby i could meet other friends that would come into my life. even those that would have been trusted would not vouch into my favor like the princess. nothing will give me my confidence back, the confidence i need. well. no friends no love. just the poisons america and et cetera.

to that, i would best describe my living comparing it to a prison in the open, where i can walk free surrounded with two hundred thousand correctional officers, now, just imagine which woman would like to be with such a man living in the cage in the open where everyone is allowed to police me /and usually those that feed the situation are the worst of the sort/. it is beyond comprehension. i cannot dream of such a land like america where i would regain my freedom and confidence again. this non-existing wonderland truly does not exist. that said, america would be the real hell for me in comparison to serbia where i just have to put up with 200000 correctional officers on daily basis. BUT no normal life in sight. if i did create this situation as they would like to imply to me, i had to be a genius.

and what about Rachel - my sincere and deep condolences to Corrie family - why did she have to go there instead of coming to me and trying to save me from my desperate stance while standing tall in front of thousands of serbian and american heads. she was the american i would not had had to be afraid of. we would go to cevapcici and just by being near she would have nthed the effect of what she was trying to achieve, kill the fear and stand up for someone in trouble - plus this little rebel would have been alive and well. this happens numerous times, when it is too late i see my mistakes but i also see mistakes of others as they are mislead or misdirected and then i feel sorry for them for they would have saved me and i would have saved them. i cannot do anything, cannot open my own mouth to scream out the steam off loud, let alone act and lead << cit. John 15:22 >>