Meanwhile in Serbia

paranoid and scared.

it feels as if the entire country is one violent motorcycle club who is out to get you. they are turning my world upside down and there is no chance for escape; I’ve been like one POW in Vietnam. how am i going to get out of this heat - that is the question I have been asking myself since the day I came here. cannot imagine any other society bringing down one of its members like the serbs do. I have been so dehumanized by the dehumanized ones. my mistake was judging these people as a whole on a few bad apples. but the fact is the entire nation knows me, there is not one moment of peace in my life and a few bad apples amount to tens of thousands. the very fact that I have not posted anything as of recently is because I lived in deep seclusion for a while trying to keep a low profile. even the closest of friends have not seen me in days. now like a heroin addict who needs heroin, i miss my daily fix of serbian harassment so here I am writing about it again, trying to tell some serbs they almost forgot about me. I am dying for that little bit of interaction, gotta have my fix. I may come out of my seclusion once in a while. even though invisibility means invincibility I want my adrenaline back by being in danger zone, on the serbian streets, in the spotlight. the feeling when the entire nation is after you - is ecstatic. but it bothers a lot when they equal me to st John the Baptist by spitting at me. esp. if it was initiated by those serbs that were allegedly ordained as knights. even though I haven’t sinned in a long time I am not thy saint. also, lack of privacy means no equality, and no equality gives no equal opportunity for me around here. it’s been like that for 17 years. a premonition - opening scene: five men with sunglasses dressed in black suit jackets open their zippers straddling the burial slab and start pissing all over grave. next scene: there was a traffic accident on a highway and bodies of the same men are lined up all over the side of the road. these were the guy and his friends who attacked me last year.

and what has been that sole reason serbs do hate me for in general? talking about the obsessive hatred. it could have been my idea to aid Yugoslavia by proclaiming it to be the 53^rd United States state back in a day. I don’t know.

so - the "cut-throat" or throat slash sign is a common, non-verbal way to threaten someone with death when you are sliding your index finger against your throat to simulate a beheading. this is what I experience a lot around here.